Wednesday, November 10, 2010
An excerpt from Susan Buck-Morss's essay, "Universal History"
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
---
I forgot about the wind here up until this morning when I was walking and thinking of you and the sun revealed itself in a compelling way to my eyes. It was orange and heavy with atmospheric dust and across the lake the snap-hooks fastened to the flagpole banged incessantly against the aluminum. They clanged (clung), they did, and their tautophony reminded me of tired thirsty kings in Tartarus who roll big rocks and can’t alleviate their thirst.
The rest of the day and every day all day I hear rattling bugs like birds dried to skeletons and sound boxes, and I remember how miraculously quiet it is in November when hearts stop and everything crystallizes. I choose to believe it's kind of God to kill his insects like he does with the cold-- freezing being one of the nicest ways to die.
Speaking of birds, I get bothered when I think about the way you called her your heron. The only bird I’ve ever been is Isis in 5th grade, when I made myself wings from bed sheets and glued feathers for a collaborative project on Egypt. Someone else’s mother did my makeup and made me a necklace out of felt and plastic jewels and I thought I was as beautiful as Cleopatra: the one with no hair on her knuckles.
The other sound I hear a lot is the generator across the street which is really just a big mechanical cricket on the college’s engineering building. There they teach my friend nathaniel that objects only work one way with one intended purpose, and they don’t work backward. You can’t push a rope, he tells me, and he pops his ear with the knuckle of his forefinger. I understand that it’s beside the point, but if you dipped the rope in water and froze it, I think you could push it.
Anyway, I hope you aren’t kept awake by the sound of insects more consistent than obsession. Last week I stayed up reading about Isis and her lover Osiris who was cut up in 14 pieces and thrown into the river. She spent along time trying to find him. I like to imagine her waist deep, sifting through reeds and silt beds, lunging at his pieces flowing further down the current.
Monday, September 6, 2010
....
Saturday, July 31, 2010
What is a Prijatel?
Friday, July 9, 2010
And like, colors, you know?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
An excerpt from my assigned sixth-grade journal
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Summer 2010: an update
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
For Those Who Live Alone
Almighty God, whose Son had nowhere to lay his head:
Grant that those who live alone may not be lonely in their
solitude, but that, following his steps, they may find
fulfillment in loving you and their neighbors; through Jesus
Christ our Lord. Amen
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Something Recent Enough
161 miles divided by 60 means 2 hours and 41 minutes until they reach Chicago, if they stay a steady 60. Ben has been averaging 72, but this all happened before they missed I-80, when the sunset had still offered reading light.
She tries to concentrate on the essay, but she's absent. She stares at the waist high fences along the highway; a thin line that separates rural and road. With the tufts of husk and trash woven in the wire she practices geomancy, privately. She dances with the white plastic bags that have snagged themselves on the barbs. She turns to Kate and asks what she thinks the fences are for. Kate says, 'Probably to keep coyotes out of the fields.'
It makes her think about when she was little, when her father joked about a mangled coyote lying in the highway margin. "Look, Jones," her father said to her "look at that dog sleeping on the side of the road." She most vividly remembers it's unshut mouth. Second to that she swears she remembers a flick of its tail, a slow inhale. It's unlikely; they wouldve been moving too fast to see those things, but still she keeps them there, in her memory.
She sticks her fingers in her ears and tries to go back to her reading:
"For everyone (besides the errors common to human nature in general) has a cave or den of his own, which retracts and discolors the light of nature; owing either to his own proper and peculiar nature or his education and conversation with others; or to the reading of books, and the authority of those whom he esteems and admires; or to the differences of impressions, accordingly as they take place in a mind preoccupied and predisposed or in a mind indifferent and settled; or the like. So that the spirit of man (according as it is meted out to different individuals) is in face a thing variable and full of perturbation, and governed as it were by chance. Whence it was well observed by Heraclitus that men look for sciences in their own lesser worlds, and not in the greater or common world."
She skips and underlines "The human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion (either as being the received opinion or as being agreeable to itself) draws all things else to support and agree with it."
When she looks up again, they are passing a big white truck. She smiles up to a hat and a pair of sunglasses. Her uncle is a trucker and though she doesnt see him very often, she sees the profession in his disposition. He is always roaming, always restless, prone to shutting himself up in his cartesian mental space. He never overstays his welcome: always tired. The trucker returns her gesture, giving a quick smirk before looking back to the road.
In the margin of her book she writes, "Similar to Aquinas- errors of judgment come when the intellect and the will are incongruent. (Intellect, uncorrupted, Will, corrupted)"
The white plastic bags reach toward the farmland. They long to drape themselves over neuronic power lines. They long to lay with one another on fresh earth, to explore this unfamiliar universe that is the rural. She turns to Kate and asks, "do you think maybe they put them up to protect the rabbits from the freeway? "
"The fences?"
She nods.
Kate laughs. "So they can be hit by the tractors?"
She chooses to believe the question isn’t rhetorical, but still, she does not answer it; she just waits for another mile marker. The truth is--and she knows it--she is too superstitious and stubborn. She can't stop believing that coyote really did move.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Tardis
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Breaking from Metaphysics midterm into something semi-creative/fun.
In Morton, Illinois this morning I ate my bread with strawberry freezer-jam. I climbed the ladder in the barn. I watched her drive away. I hugged an old friend. I thought of things I said not to. I peeled the cucumbers.
I learned freezer-jam is self-explanatory. That straw and hay are not the same. That she came back for her luggage. That he loves electric sheep. That things really are getting better. That these aren’t enough olives for a really good Albanian salad.
But the jam can’t be left out at room temperature. And the straw on the second floor gets slick. She said she needs to think for a while. His hair got so long. It’s foolish to infer. The cherry tomatoes are pre-washed.
So I store it in a Mason jar. I slid and fell into the bale of straw. They drove away together and missed dinner. He almost bought an organ. Think of the likelihood. The ratio of lemon juice to olive oil is 2:7.
This cold slush reminds me of summer smoothies. This straw smells heavenly. They’ll come back laughing, later. He's wearing a new sweater. Keep it out of sight. It's too cold to conclude; I'm missing the feta. ALSO, I LOVE DAN.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
More Gilead
Monday, February 8, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
'Marriage' by Gregory Corso: a poem I appreciate
Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky-
When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit with my knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap-
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?
Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son-
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?
O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just wait to get at the drinks and food-
And the priest! he looking at me as if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on-
Then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd almost be inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climactic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner
devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy
a saint of divorce-
But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting my baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! Like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust-
Yes if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear nor Roman coin soup-
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle a bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon
No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
Not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly tight New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking-
No! I should not get married! I should never get married!
But-imagine if I were married to a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and a highball in the other
and we lived high up in a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No, can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream-
O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
It's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes-
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there's maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and-
But there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in a furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All the universe married but me!
Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible-
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so i wait-bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.